15/05/14
You hurt
Yet
I cant help
Let me help
Empower me
---
You hurt, yet I can't help.
Let me help.
Empower me God, for what use is it for us both to be in pain?
I can no longer bear to look. I can't.
Haphazardous Words
chaotic thoughts and 2 am musings
Saturday, 18 August 2018
Tuesday, 28 July 2015
I Am
I am but a vessel
Of decrepit dreams
Whole and broken
But that doesn't deter me
For I have walked
Alone in the dark;
All I fear is my own mind.
My skin has been plunged
I have stood at the precipice
My foot shakily hovering over the edge
Now my mind is an anchor
No longer do I sway.
Yet still, I remember the fear
Fear at the power I held
In my two hands as I
Dangled my feet
Off that cliff edge;
Tentatively dipped them
Into the dark.
Gazing down
For hands have
The power to heal;
The power to destroy.
Hidden under a blanket,
Of decrepit dreams
Whole and broken
But that doesn't deter me
Burn me
Blind me
I do not bleed easily
I do not bleed easily
For I have walked
Alone in the dark;
All I fear is my own mind.
My skin has been plunged
In flames that were ignited
By my own failure.
I have stood at the precipice
My foot shakily hovering over the edge
Now my mind is an anchor
No longer do I sway.
Yet still, I remember the fear
Billowing through my veins.
Fear at the power I held
In my two hands as I
Dangled my feet
Off that cliff edge;
Tentatively dipped them
Into the dark.
Gazing down
At that charcoal black escape
Seeking freedom
My fingers briefly loosened their grip
But fear paralysed me.
It's alarming, the
It's alarming, the
Sense of realisation when
Your world has crumbled apart
In the palms of your hands
For hands have
The power to heal;
The power to destroy.
Perhaps that's why I did not use them In the past.
Hidden under a blanket,
Nestled in the crook of
Daylight's arms,
Neglecting them destroyed dreams.
Dreams; that
Coloured my mind
With soft hues
& lazy blues croons
Of summer afternoons
And sure, the stillness of
Your hands is honourable; is safe.
You will not do wrong
You will not be hurt.
You will not do wrong
You will not be hurt.
But in their stillness, those hands lay
Quiet as the dead.
You Are
An enigma; sometimes
I feel like I know you inside out.
But then I see you've been miming
The lines you want me to hear
Sometimes, I wonder whether I
Simply fill the space she left
Behind in your bed;
In your head.
You don't know me at all.
But that doesn't sadden me;
What really makes me despondently
Bite my lip is that you
Don't even want to know me.
You don't even want to ask,
Don't want to figure me out.
Perhaps it's good;
I can conceal
What you don't reveal
There's no risk of being misunderstood
But how is not knowing the truth
Not misunderstanding?
How can you ever truly, fully, purely
Understand someone, heart and soul
When you don't know what makes them tick;
What sends their heart into overdrive?
What throws them crashing down as if
A ten tonne weight has been hurled
Upon their chest;
What lifts them up; makes their lips warmly
Curl skyward, as happiness washes
I feel like I know you inside out.
But then I see you've been miming
The lines you want me to hear
Sometimes, I wonder whether I
Simply fill the space she left
Behind in your bed;
In your head.
You don't know me at all.
But that doesn't sadden me;
What really makes me despondently
Bite my lip is that you
Don't even want to know me.
You don't even want to ask,
Don't want to figure me out.
Perhaps it's good;
I can conceal
What you don't reveal
There's no risk of being misunderstood
But how is not knowing the truth
Not misunderstanding?
How can you ever truly, fully, purely
Understand someone, heart and soul
When you don't know what makes them tick;
What sends their heart into overdrive?
What throws them crashing down as if
A ten tonne weight has been hurled
Upon their chest;
What lifts them up; makes their lips warmly
Curl skyward, as happiness washes
Over them in gentle waves
When did being blind equate to being happy?
When did obscuring the memories
That once sent you sobbing softly
Into your pillow
And the nights you never
Wanted to wake up from
Make you feel safe in his arms?
Are you happy? You probably are.
I ask the right questions, and
You answer because you trust me.
Your soul is beautiful; kindness
Emanates from every inch
Like the soft glow of a candle
In a dark room
I suppose all I am to you is the room.
Because you don't see my light
I'm just a kooky short girl
Who gives you an occasional massage
And believes in you, and kisses your cheek
Softly when she wants to tell you
She adores you without words.
The girl who can half-play piano
Short tempered and foul mouthed
Who survives on a diet of mug cakes
And pasta bake.
You don't know the girl I was, or that
She still haunts me now.
You don't understand me on
The mornings when I don't
Want to hold your hand
Or when I don't have the energy
To force a smile.
You don't get it when I don't want
To be your 'Poor Baby'
Or have my cheeks squished
Or be your childish plaything.
You don't understand why I can't always pretend to be happy.
Understand that I'm not happy.
Deep down inside, I'm a shell of a person. Hollow.
I've broken myself so many times
That each time I try to fill myself with
Something good; something golden
It escapes through the cracks like
Grains of sand
When did being blind equate to being happy?
When did obscuring the memories
That once sent you sobbing softly
Into your pillow
And the nights you never
Wanted to wake up from
Make you feel safe in his arms?
Are you happy? You probably are.
I ask the right questions, and
You answer because you trust me.
Your soul is beautiful; kindness
Emanates from every inch
Like the soft glow of a candle
In a dark room
I suppose all I am to you is the room.
An empty space to hold you; to shelter you.
Because you don't see my light
I'm just a kooky short girl
Who gives you an occasional massage
And believes in you, and kisses your cheek
Softly when she wants to tell you
She adores you without words.
The girl who can half-play piano
Short tempered and foul mouthed
Who survives on a diet of mug cakes
And pasta bake.
You don't know the girl I was, or that
She still haunts me now.
You don't understand me on
The mornings when I don't
Want to hold your hand
Or when I don't have the energy
To force a smile.
You don't get it when I don't want
To be your 'Poor Baby'
Or have my cheeks squished
Or be your childish plaything.
You don't understand why I can't always pretend to be happy.
Understand that I'm not happy.
Deep down inside, I'm a shell of a person. Hollow.
I've broken myself so many times
That each time I try to fill myself with
Something good; something golden
It escapes through the cracks like
Grains of sand
You deserve better than this
But you also deserve better than her
I hope that your time with me is useful
I hope that I don't put out your light
I hope you find someone truly worthy of your kisses
I hope you find someone knowledgeable of your culture
I hope I don't become another regret.
Dec 2014
Thursday, 11 September 2014
Wordless
Blink.
The bleariness
Away.
The world comes into vision.
Alive.
Exhale. Blood thrums
Trepidly through my veins;
My heart despondently
Aches again.
Wednesday, 10 September 2014
Perfect
Everything is
As it should be,
More than I dreamt
I'd ever see
Yet here I lay
My lips mourn
A kiss they never felt
Tears roll from my eyes
At the absence of the nonexistent
Monday, 26 May 2014
Different
He said that we're too
Different, as if rain
Can't softly fall into
Sunlight's kiss.
Darling, I
Will miss you
Each day
In the same way
The sun's rays
Pour over the horizon;
In search of the clouds
That once gave it shelter.
Sunday, 25 May 2014
Sketches
'Sketch me as I am'
She whispered.
His eyes burned
Into hers
Quietly searching
Before he nodded;
Revealing a
Blank page.
24/05/2014
Love, let me
Press my lips
To yours
May they tell you
In a kiss what
My words could not;
Cannot.
19/05/2014
She saw love as
Fresh & clean & pure
But love is raw
Ragged edged
Love is two souls,
Dusty, naked;
In vulnerability
More sacred.
Cherry Stained
He left a mark
With cherry stained lips
The colour of
Scarlet blood
Unravelled her
Twirling crimson
Ribbons around
His fingers
16/05/2014
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