In The Valley

I feel so low.

Everything is right and wrong. I work hard. I had fallen but get up. I push past the barriers, almost reach my goal, and then am dragged back to where I began.

I try to brush the gravel off my clothes and get up but suddenly someone shoves me back down. I stare incredulously at this person, but notice their eyes. Pitying. Sympathetic. They shake their head at me; walking away.

Confused yet undeterred, I rise. I begin to walk, gradually getting closer to my goal. Almost there, now only one hurdle. I turn to tell he who spoke of being realistic about my achievement - he who pitied me. He who doubted me. I smile, but it falls when he gives me the same look.

Pity. Doubt. Lack of hope.

Knocked back down again. He walks away. My hands sting; spots of blood appear where the pavement has bitten my palm. I take a moment to cleanse them. I stand up. Taking a step forward, I feel determined. But then someone appears when I least expect it, from the shadows. I forgot. I didn't keep track. They look me in the eye.

Knocked back down.

I blink back tears. Inhale, exhale. Tell myself to stop being so pathetic. Rapidly arise from my moment of weakness. I see a friend, she glances at me. My puffy eyes, my calloused hands. Then she looks right at someone next to her, and laughs. Before walking right by me.

I tell myself it's nothing. I tell myself I can do this. I stand up, anger coarsing through my veins. I go to a place I know

to find the door slammed in my face.

Now, on my knees. My energy long gone. Good news is not worthy of celebration, it merely helps me get by. Hands waved in front of my eyes, staring ahead. I do not waver. Lips pressed together, why should they open? After all, when I speak there is simply acknowledgement, dismissal. My words forgotten within an instant.

Why should I speak? I need only listen and see to get by. What relevance do my words offer to others? What relevance do I hold for others?

Nothing at all.