Day of Reckoning

It's soon
My day of reckoning
How I pray
I'm not another
Statistical casualty;
A faceless
set of grades.

Decisions

I can't believe how soon I'll hear from Bristol. I've never been more terrified. Of the outcome of their decision. And more importantly, how I'll react.

If it's positive, I'll be overwhelmed in every sense of the word with complete and utter joy. I never even thought I'd get an interview. I'd cry with happiness. Tears would freely flow, unashamed. I'd crack my knuckles and return to revision with the sole aim of obtaining three A*s. I'd live and breathe A level revision until results day.

If it's negative?

That. That's my fear. It'll crush me of course. I'll feel like a disappointment to myself; my family. All that effort; that day off. Sleepless nights. Weeks of preparation. I'll remain grateful for St George's - but I hope I'd be strong enough to focus on exams; not dwell on it for long.

I'm so scared. I almost don't want to hear from them.

Dear God, give me strength.

The Doctor

Hello sir! What
Troubles you today?
Says the doctor
It's often this way

A smile at the
Surface, but beneath
Clear as ice:
One simple mistake and
The patient pays the price.

---

This is what scares me the most about medicine. Knowing that the lives of others will be in my hands. I don't want to do accidental wrong. Heck, I don't want to do wrong, period.

But I'm only human. And humans make mistakes.

Perhaps I should pray to delay the onset of such humanity.

Surprise

Just when you think everything is so wrong
You're at the brink of what you can handle;

Suddenly

It starts going so right.

Life really does work in strange, yet sometimes wonderful ways.

Salty Leave.

Hands clammy. Lips parted. Eyes squeezed shut.
I'm terrified.
Looking around at the rest of the room, I see reflections of myself in the people surrouding me. Anxious; fingers strumming, feet restlessly tapping, eyebrows furrowed. Sitting in beige plasic chairs in a long white corridoor. Eyes frequently flit back and forth between the floor and the coal black door. Someone in there is changing their fate.
We may be different, but today unites us - it's the day that determines what path we take. What we do in the next thirty minutes will decide whether we are successful. All that we've done; all of our achivements have guided us here.
Success is a hair's breadth away.

Hurdles

I made it. Alive. I've actually gotten over a hurdle.

Holy mother of god. Things are about to get very real, very quickly.

Yet I can't quite quell my fear.

I can't fail now. Not now.